


Words, words, words

by angelfiregirl80



Series: Prompts [4]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Friendship, Friendship/Love, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-23
Updated: 2015-12-23
Packaged: 2018-05-08 17:38:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5506784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelfiregirl80/pseuds/angelfiregirl80
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock had always considered himself a walking Oxford. He had read and memorised almost every word of the large (who are we kidding, enormous) dictionary. He had read it when he was nine, the week after Mycroft left for Uni. He was bored, the books were big, and he was always looking forward to learn about something new.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Words, words, words

**Author's Note:**

  * For [notjustmom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/notjustmom/gifts).



> Dedicated to notjustmom. Her words always inspire me. Happy Christmas!

Sherlock had always considered himself a walking Oxford. He had read and memorised almost every word of the large (who are we kidding, enormous) dictionary. He had read it when he was nine, the week after Mycroft left for Uni. He was bored, the books were big, and he was always looking forward to learn about something new.

He found words such as mother, father, brother, family, and snorted at the rather plain definitions found in the “mighty” Oxford. Nevertheless, he kept on reading and memorizing words and definitions that he thought might come in handy later in life, particularly ostentatious words like “ostentatious”, he, himself, was ostentatious.

But there were two words that befuddled him, “love” and “friend”. He wasn’t sure about the definitions and spent most of his life running from both. Mycroft had thought him soon enough that both words were useless, and that the sentiment behind them was a disadvantage (two other ostentatious words, “sentiment” and “disadvantage”)

He found later in his teenage years that in fact, the sentiment behind the word “love” was more complex that what the dictionary reflected, and that the large, but apparently plain explanation, was more complex than words could ever convey. He had felt love, but it wasn’t reciprocated; and according to the dictionary, which he revisited constantly to make sure he had the right definition of love; it had to be reciprocated, it was something that both parties were supposed to feel.

The same happened with the word “friend”, the much more plain explanation after the word “friend” needed to be experienced and felt, rather than read and studied, but he wasn’t that lucky, he couldn’t find, or rather be interested in finding, a “friend”.

He closed his heart and listened to Mycroft; he had also deleted the definitions to those words, and encased himself in the safety and coldness that “ostentatious” words gave him. But no dictionary definition could have prepared him for the sentiment he found when he looked at John the night he shot the cabbie. He looked at his own personal Oxford, which was hidden in the back room of his mind palace, next to the astrology and astronomy classes, and looked for the word that could define John. The first word that came to mind and sight was friend; John was his friend.

It all was clear during the Baskerville case, he had said to John that he was his friend, his only friend; he had found that the “ostentatious” words he had learned weren’t enough to define John. After the case, he had found a superlative to define John’s friendship; he was his BEST friend, but still wasn’t enough.

When he talked to John from the rooftop he had revisited the Oxford, and he had found another word to define John, it was love. He checked and re-checked the definition, and still the words weren’t sufficient, and he fell to the void, both physically and metaphorically; and the moment he hit the air bed he felt his heart break.         

After he returned his heart was not only broken, he had found that he was lost in love, that he had fallen in love, that he loved and wanted to keep his love close, and he had also learned the definition to heart ache, heart break, loneliness and longingness; his otherwise dusty Oxford now sat next to John’s chair in his mind palace, every word that he had found derisory at one time, now had John’s picture next to it.

Love, friend, family, lover, care, sooth, soft, sweet, smooth, fun, excite, interest, even sex, had John’s face next to it; Sherlock learned that he was smitten; infatuated, captured, enraptured, captivated by John. Then John got married and the Oxford was useless, and yet, useful again. He found the definitions for sad, angry, lonely, alone, suffering, suffocation, pain, angst, heaviness, death, and they all had Mary’s face.

After Mary shot him, and his mind palace was a chaos; John was the only word left in his Oxford, no other words appeared on it, only John’s name and his face. And next to John’s name the meaning of life. But he had to wait for his life to come back, he had to see him go to his pregnant wife, he had to shake his hand and then he felt shattered and empty.

The months passed, and his Oxford collected more dust now, it no longer sat next to John’s chair, that had been “deleted” from his mind palace too, along with John’s synonyms; love, friendship, care, they were just words to be deleted, and the brain room could be occupied with new facts and better, ostentatious, words.

But then he opened the door, and saw a haggard John, with his bags packed up and so much sorrow in his face. The words came back to him, but he remained silent, his mind palace was reorganized, John’s chair “magically” reappeared and the Oxford was once again sitting next to it.

After their first kiss, new words and its definitions were added to the Oxford, electricity, bristle, moan, sigh, lips, kiss, and of course, John’s face next to them. After their first night together, the new words were pleasure, heat, rut, need, skin, fingers, and others that need no definition, and all had various parts of John’s face and body next to them.

And now, that he had to write his vows; the Oxford proved itself useless, no words were sufficient to describe how he felt about John, and he knew that he couldn’t just list all the words in the Oxford that reminded him of John, it might be a never-ending ceremony. He settled with the two most important words he had learned next to John and so he began, remembering that both words had endless synonyms to each, but that those were the two most important words in the world.

_John_

_You’re not only my friend, my best friend matter-off-fact, but my love, no words suffice to describe the way you make me feel, no words exist to convey how much I love you; you’re my family, my companionship, my haven, my rest, my peace of mind. I could list all the words in the dictionary, and each could describe you in a way, you’re patient, kind, loving, sweet, amongst other X-rated words I shall list later when we’re alone. Two words aren’t enough, but will have to suffice, love and friend, those are the two words you thought me, and they summarise, just barely, the meaning of my life with you. All that’s left to say and I will say till the day I die is that I love you John, my friend, my love._


End file.
